Monthly Archives: August 2014

The Losers – A Rant

In a world where Jeffery Dean Morgan gets more screen time than Chris Evans and Idris Elba, 4 Elite CIA agents will try to cram as many action movie cliches in before the opening credits as they can, such as disregarding orders, witty banter during a firefight in which they are hopelessly outmatched, and exploding helicopters filled with what I can only assume were paper mache children (no body parts).

Everything, absolutly everything.

See, good cast. What can go wrong?

Directed by the filmmaker who brought us, ‘I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer’, Sylvan White spends 97 minutes trying to convince the audience that Chris Evans is a nerd that no woman would be interested in, that Columbus Short is not Donald Faison, and that the Mexican Cowboy that follows the team around is actually supposed to be in the movie. After a sexy sex fight between Clay, played by Morgan, and Aisha, played by Zoe Saldana because she has a contract with hollywood to have a role in any movie involving comic books from now on, results in an inferno of death for many poor Bolivians, the team must track down Max, played by Jason Patric because why the hell did they cast him in this movie? The team proceeds to follow every action movie cliche in alphabetical order until the final predictable scene with the predictable betrayal and the predictable on the nose warning, “you will die badly” comes predictably true.

You can find our full podcast reviewing ‘The Losers’ at Buried Cinema.