Monthly Archives: December 2013

Stephen Lang returning for Avatar sequels: Seriously?!

By Brian Slattery

Stephen Lang has signed on to all three Avatar sequels, reprising his role as Colonel Quaritch. You’re probably reading this thinking, “Brian, we’ve already read this in multiple places.” Well, I’m not here to break this news; I’m commenting on it.

Quaritch died in Avatar. He was shot with two very large arrows, right in the chest, dying quite convincingly. (I’m looking at you, Marion Cotillard.)


Quaritch, seen here dying convincingly.

Quaritch, seen here dying quite convincingly.


Now he’s coming back as the primary villain for the remainder of the franchise. This isn’t what has me upset. His performance — no matter how cliché – was one of the brightest stars in Avatar. What truly has me bothered is what James Cameron is saying about his return:

I’m not going to say exactly how we’re bringing him back, but it’s a science fiction story, after all.

Let me guess, we’ll have a cross between Agent Smith’s return in The Matrix and Sigourney Weaver’s return as Grace in the first film. Ooh boy, a sci-fi resurrection baby. That or there will be a clone.


"I ain't got time to... be dead...."

“I ain’t got time to be dead.”


Is James Cameron really that strapped for ideas that he cannot come up with another villain for this franchise? Some other military figure behind the scenes of the first film? Something other than what we’ll end up getting?


About the author:

Brian was just a lovable street rat, one whose worth lies far within, who ventured into the Cave of Wonders in search of his fortune. Unfortunately, his monkey touched the wrong thing and the cave collapsed, forcing him to have to listen to Robin Williams tell jokes for the rest of his life. His favorite films include Office Space, The Godfather, and Pulp Fiction. Also, he designed Buried Cinema’s cool logo.

Go Back to the Abyss Prepared for You

By Hawco

It’s the holidays again, and the movie gods have decided that, for another three-year stretch, Middle-earth mania shall once again reign supreme next to jingling bells and wrapping paper. On December 13, the next chapter comes out, which I have christened The Hobbit 2: The Middle One, officially (and less originally) titled The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.




This is the second film in a bloated trilogy, a trilogy made up of nine hours of fluff unceremoniously ripped from a slim, 300-page children’s book. Almost nothing from the first film, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, was actually in the book, and the characters have been changed from their iterations in the source material. Both of these problems plagued Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy, and really were all that prevented it from earning the title of “masterpiece.” Returning writer/director Peter Jackson failed to realize this (which probably has something to do with the distraction of the approximate $3 billion worldwide box office take for that trilogy) and returning co-writers Fran Wash and Philippa Boyens haven’t changed their altering ways.  So the Hobbit trilogy, under the exact same leadership, is failing in the same ways The Lord of the Rings did.

But, good or bad or bloated or nonsensical, the Hobbit films should not exist in the first place.  New Line is ending at the start, telling a story with no stakes. Everyone has already seen The Lord of the Rings, and nothing in The Hobbit matters nearly as much as the events of that previous trilogy. The audience already knows that hero Bilbo (Martin Freeman) will survive The Hobbit, already knows that the magic ring he finds will turn out to be the evil, all-powerful One Ring, already knows that Bilbo’s nephew Frodo (Elijah Wood) will have to go on a successful quest to destroy it, already knows that wizard Gandalf (Ian McKellen) will lead the successful war against the true bad guy, the dark lord Sauron.

So the real reason these films are coming out is the money, not the story. These Tolkien adaptations make money (again, over $1 billion worldwide for An Unexpected Journey) and – sadly – no studio is crazy enough to actually try to bring The Silmarillion to the big screen (article here).  So, we get three movies out of The Hobbit.  At the most, we should have had one, and it should have been released in 1999.


About the author:

Steve Hawco spent too many hours in the shadow-strewn offices and steamy alleys of 1941 San Francisco. After suffering one too many double-crosses in his search for a black figure of a bird, he decided to put his fedora away and enter the sunny world of Rant Pad criticism. His favorite films include Seven Samurai, Once Upon a Time in the West, Blade Runner, Aliens, and Sunshine. He’s an occasional guest commentator on our podcast, and he also has Kind of a Movie Blog.